Case Study 2: Did I find my calling?

AI generated image of a person walking down a hilly, windy path towards a brighter future

Way back in last week (Case Study 1), I left you at the end of my first attempt at entrepreneurship.  I had just decided I would be better off working for someone else but was unsure how I could make that work…

Back into the Workplace

I was lucky enough to get a nice, flexible job fairly quickly.  I still had to do the dull shit that just needed to get done, but I could do it because I wasn’t doing it for me…weird… that doesn’t sound very healthy.  That doesn’t sound very friendly to my ADHD brain.  But I thought it was the answer.

I worked for nonprofits so I felt like I was making a difference. I had a creative mind and a wide perspective.  I saw what needed to be fixed and how to fix it. I had amazing insights from my six years in administration and 10 years as an entrepreneur.  I always said yes to everything.  I went from being a finance and admin coordinator to being director of finance and administration in less than six months.  I stayed in positions like that for another ten years. I was making money.  I finally held a respectable job.  I was living up to my ‘potential’.  Nine years in, I moved into what I thought was an amazing new dream job with a large nonprofit.  I was making more money than I ever thought possible.   I had gotten divorced along the way and I had just met the most amazing new man.  And then I crashed.  I got laid off.  I was again devastated.  

What was going wrong?

You see, I was choosing to do jobs that didn’t suit me just because I didn’t think I could navigate things any other way.  I was choosing jobs where I could be a people pleaser.  Where I could get the approval of others and use that to keep myself motivated.  So I went from working against my brain in one way – owning my own business and insisting on doing everything myself, even the things that I couldn’t make myself do, to another-working at jobs that I could only motivate myself with other people’s approval. I was so stressed and burned out that I just couldn’t hold it together anymore.  

How was I going to juggle parenting a teenager in isolation (did I mention this was in covid times?), home schooling, healing, and a new relationship?  

Tune in next week (in case study part 3) to find out!

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